How To Handle Cheaters
Geplaatst op 26-06-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
ACT I
Before He Leaves
Scene 2: “Wow, That Felt Good”
In his head vague and unidentified feelings of unhappiness and discontent are swirling when he comes upon the Momentary Encounter. In a few brief moments he feels something quite different, something good. He feels happy.
Will is teaching three different economics courses this semester at Bedford University, two big sections and one seminar. It’s a lot of work but he has some excellent students who make it all worthwhile. Just yesterday, Andrea came up to him and thanked him for helping her to understand that complicated statistical formula. She showed him the beginning of her final paper and he made some suggestions. She was so appreciative. She smiled a “thank you” at him and Will walked back to the faculty office building on top of the world. He had never realized how attractive Andrea was. He thought to himself, “Wow, that felt good.”
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It was very brief, almost insignificant, but it gave Will a high.
It’s been so long since he felt that way—maybe not since the early days of courting his wife.
Ryan is tired after walking around with a crying three-month-old for two hours so he’s happy when Mommy takes over. He says to his wife, Alexa, “I’m going to take a break,” and goes to the basement to relax a little online. Just yesterday he had seen an online ad about reconnecting with high school classmates and he thought he’d like to try to find out whatever happened to Olivia. It was thirteen years ago when they graduated, and he hasn’t seen her since. He enters her name, waits, but gets no response.
Every evening he goes online hoping that he will see an answer. Nothing for a week. Then one evening he sees an e-mail he can’t wait to open—”Hi Ryan. It’s Olivia.” With this they start to get reacquainted online.
They e-mail each other several times a day. Ryan finds that Olivia is so understanding. She sympathizes with his being stuck at home so much with the baby, who requires so much attention. She thinks his plans to buy a PizzaParty franchise and get out of his dull job are fantastic. All Alexa does is complain about how much he will be away from home if he owns a seven-day-a-week business. Recently, at the end of an e-mail, Olivia mentions how she undresses down to nothing when she comes home from work. Wow, that felt good.
Ryan feels he must try to rendezvous with Olivia. He’s thrilled to find out she lives just fifty miles away.
You have a woman’s intuition. You also have a woman’s counterintuition.
Tip: A Woman’s Best Intuition Now Is Counterintuition
At this point in the Script, your intuition may be telling you he’s a little distant—talking to you a bit less, confiding in you a bit less. You also may notice him noticing other women. The intuitive reaction would be to discourage him from talking about other women he finds attractive. The natural feeling would be that if you let him talk about this kind of thing, it might drive him further in the direction of someone else. But you would be wrong.
It’s counterintuitive but it’s true—giving him the freedom, the comfort, the opportunity, even the encouragement to talk to you about the fact that he finds other women attractive may keep his impulses to talk rather than action. It may bring him closer to you, because he will feel he can talk to you about anything.
In a way you’re the woman who knows too much about him. He may fear your judgment or rejection if he opens up to you. Because of this, every other woman in the world seems to be a safer and more comfortable person to talk to. They know less about him and thus pose less of a threat.
Use this piece of counterintelligence. Be open to his talking about the fact that he finds other women attractive. This is not meant to include derogatory or demeaning comments about you from him, or about him from you. Nor does it mean allowing him to talk about his sexual fantasies if you don’t like it. What it means is allowing him to be open with you, which brings you both closer together.